Very Nasty Accident

When Person was OUT doing Dog Listening, I nearly had a Very Nasty Accident.

It was fortunate that He-Person was here.

I was playing my game of Pretending to Kill Monty the Mont in our field, when I caught my bottom teeth under Monty's collar.

I was TRAPPED. It HURT. I SCREEEEEEAMED. Monty PANICKED and PULLED.

He-Person heard me Screeeeaming. Monty the Mont was running around the field and I had to run around the field as well because I was joined to him by my bottom teeth.

He-Person Chased us. Monty the Mont ran, pulling me along by my mouth. He-Person was running SHOUTING stop stop STOP.

I was SCREEEEEAMING so Loudly that Marmite was BARKING and Jumping and Crying too.

At last He-Person unclipped Monty's collar. (This took a long time because the collar was very Tight with my jaw inside the collar as well as Monty the Mont's neck).

FREE

If He-Person had not been here to unclip Monty the Mont's collar, I might still be joined to Monty's neck by my mouth. Then I would either STARVE or DIE of Thirst.

He-Person Saved my Life.

So, Dog Listening isn't always good for dogs. It's not good for me if I nearly have a Very Nasty Accident with Monty the Mont while she's away Dog Listening with other dogs.

Anyway, here is a picture of Marmite's feet.

Getting Naughty

My Person has been out a lot doing Dog Listening.

She says I am getting NAUGHTY. Yesterday she called us all IN from our field.

Marmite is Slowest but she came IN first. Monty the Mont wanted to come in but I didn't let him. I stood in front of him and I ATTACKED him. I grabbed the fur on his neck.

Then I let Monty the Mont go in.

Later, when I felt like going in it was Too Late. Person had shut me out in the field by myself.

So Person says she is going to BLITZ me with Dog Listening for a couple of days. I am waiting for my tea. I have tried asking but Person is ignoring me. I am now lying down patiently, not looking at her. That will Do The Trick.

I knew it would.

I was a Good Boy at Person Training (Dog Training ha ha) today. Marmite was a Good Girl at Training. Monty the Mont stayed in the car because he doesn't like Training. He is On the Defensive. He doesn't like being with lots of dogs in a small place because he can't run away if he's scared.

I am Never scared at Training. I just stay close to Person when the Big Black German Shepherd that Growls looks at me. Marmite used to be a little bit Scared to start with. She then made a Puddle on the floor like she did at the Vet's. Linsey Person was never cross with her. Linsey Person is a very Kind Trainer.

Anyway, Person is going to try taking Monty the Mont back to Training soon. She says now he has been thoroughly Dog Listened that he will trust her to look after him. Then Monty the Mont won't have to worry about the other dogs. He won't have to be On the Defensive.

Person likes going to Training because she likes TALKING to other Persons. It's for herself really. Not for me, not for Marmite and certainly not for Monty the Mont.

Responsibilities of Dog Ownership

Someone called Dr.Besser says in the newspaper I would like to see Mandatory Classes for Expectant Dog Owners to teach them about the Responsibilities of Dog Ownership.

Expectant Dog Owners? I thought Bitches did the Expecting not Owners.

It's raining today. Monty the Mont, Marmite and I have Twelve feet altogether to make Muddy Footprints on the floor. So the gate to our field is shut. Boring. The only thing we can do is sleep under Person's desk.

The Responsibilities of Dog Ownership could mean Persons must not shut gates and stop dogs from going into fields whenever they want. The Responsibilities of Dog Ownership could mean that all Dog Owners must call out a Dog Listener so they could learn to play that 'I'm an Alpha Wolf game' like Person plays with us.

My Person who is a Dog Listener would be Very Busy. She would Go Out even more than she does now. Because she's Out all the time, she won't be able to do Responsibilities of Dog Ownership properly with me, or with Monty the Mont or with Marmite, because we are left at home.

I am very sad because Tobi who writes in my Blog and who lives in Costa Rica has gone. He says he is now Angel Tobi. I'm not too sure about Heaven and Hell. I quite like it here, under Person's desk with Monty the Mont and Marmite.

Did the Angels in Heaven have to take Mandatory Classes about the Responsibilities of Dog Ownership before getting Tobi?

Anyway, I don't suppose the Elyssian Fields get Muddy.

At the Vet's

Monty the Mont and Marmite both went to the vet's yesterday for their injections.

If you are one of my Person's Dog Listener friends and you are reading my Blog today, I shall tell you what REALLY HAPPENED at the vet's.

Marmite pulled and jumped. Then she made a PUDDLE on the vet's floor. I never make Puddles on floors.

I hope none of Person's Dog Listener friends saw what Monty the Mont did! While He-Person sat with Monty the Mont, a Boxer dog came in to the vet's waiting room.

The Boxer dog looked at Monty the Mont. Monty the Mont looked at the Boxer dog. Both dogs Pulled to get to each other and made Excited noises.

And He-Person forgot ALL the Dog Listener stuff Person had told him about. He didn't walk calmly outside with Monty the Mont. He didn't distract him calmly like Dog Listeners do. He-Person did lots of Commands. DOWN MONTY, DOWN, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT, SIT, LEAVE IT...

Oh dear. Dog Listener's dogs don't Pull. Dog Listener's dogs don't get Excited by other dogs. Dog Listener's dogs certainly don't make PUDDLES on vet's floors.

Anyway, I just stayed in the car.

Wild Predators

My Person says that, from behind, I look like Something Else.

A Sad Elephant, or maybe an Aardvark.

This is because I have two Whorls, one each side of my Tail. They look like EYES.

Monty the Mont doesn't have two Whorls that look like EYES, and nor does Marmite have two Whorls that look like EYES.

Perhaps I have two Whorls that look like Eyes so that Wild Predators are too AFRAID to Attack me From Behind.

I hope Wild Predators don't Attack Marmite from Behind because she would have to Run and Marmite is Slow. I'm not Slow. I'm FAST.

If Wild Predators Attacked Monty the Mont from Behind just a little bit, it could Teach him a Lesson.

It would prove to Monty the Mont that I am Winner of the 'Who's Top Dog' game if Wild Predators are too AFRAID to Attack me, but Wild Predators are not too AFRAID to attack Monty the Mont.

Anyway, I don't think we have Wild Predators in our field. We do have Moles though.

The Boss

My Person keeps going out and leaving us All Alone. This is since she has been doing Dog Listening.

Each time Person comes back she Smells of a Different Dog.

Yesterday she came back smelling of Jack Russell. Jack Russell Worries. He Panics. He thinks it's his Job to Look After his Persons all the time so he BARKS AND BARKS AND BARKS. Jack Russell Charges About. He tries to Attack cars.

Jack Russell goes Frantic when a Visitor comes. When my Person came he jumped right up as high as her face, then he charged all over the chairs, then he climbed up her leg, then he ran around the room BARKING and his Persons couldn't catch him. My Person said to Jack Russell's Persons please put his collar on.

Then she said we will now put a lead on him. Then they could catch him. They shut him in the kitchen. When he came out he started again. Back into the kitchen. Then he came out and started again. Back into the kitchen. Soon it was a bit longer before he started again. Back in the kitchen. All the time nobody looked at Jack Russell and nobody spoke to him.

Persons just carried on talking to each other.

After about one hour Jack Russell lay down and then he gave a big Sigh and went to Sleep.

Already Jack Russell is learning that he is not The Boss. Being the Boss is a Big Job. Too Big for Jack Russell. Being The Boss is his Person's Big Job.

In our Pack Monty the Mont thinks he's The Boss of the Dogs. But Monty the Mont can't make me think he's The Boss of the Dogs. Monty the Mont sometimes Tests Person to see if Person really is The Boss. He pushes past her and knocks into her when she's taking us OUTSIDE to feed us.

Person Stops. She gives Monty the Mont one of her Loooong Looooooks. So Monty the Mont turns around and tucks in behind her.

Anyway, here is a picture of Monty the Mont showing Marmite that he's The Boss of the Dogs.

Falling Over

I had Writers Block yesterday. I haven't got Writers Block any more because I have something to Write About. Person gave me a Big Stuffed Bone today. She also gave Monty the Mont a Big Stuffed Bone and she gave Marmite a Big Stuffed Bone.

Person gave us Big Stuffed Bones because we had to stay OUTSIDE for Four Whole Hours. We had to stay OUTSIDE because Granny and Granny's Sister came to our house. Granny is 94 Years of Age and Granny's Sister is 91. That is thirteen Years of Age in Dog Years.

I wonder whether I shall live to be thirteen Years of Age.

I had to stay OUTSIDE, Monty the Mont had to Stay OUTSIDE and Marmite had to Stay OUTSIDE. This is not because we might Jump Up. (After Person started playing her Dog Listening games with us we have stopped Jumping Up - nearly). We had to stay OUTSIDE because Granny might Fall Over. Granny's Sister might Fall Over too. They might even Fall Over if we just Walk Past them!

It would be more sensible if Granny had four legs and Granny's Sister had four legs. Then Granny and Granny's Sister would not be so very Wobbly.

Anyway, if Granny and Granny's Sister had four legs then Person would not have given us Big Stuffed Bones to quarrel over OUTSIDE.

Tomorrow my Person is going to visit a Boxer who Pulls so hard on his lead that sometimes his Person Falls Over! I expect Boxer will get some of my Person's Stop Start Change Direction games.

Here are Monty the Mont and Marmite in the Outside kennel with what's left of one of our Big Bones.