Resolutions

You know where I slept last Night? You've Guessed It.

On the Sofa.

I'm Understanding now about Person's New Year Resolutions. Person said she was going to eat only Fruit during the Daytime and then Something Sensible for Dinner.

Anyway, I saw her eating a Kit-Kat. Kit-Kats have Chocolate. If Person was a real Alpha Wolf she would by now have Increased Urination and Seizures.

Here's another Picture of Monty the Mont and Marmite Killing me:

Chocolate

Chocolate is Bad For Dogs.

Chocolate smells nice.

Hannawannah had Chocolates for Christmas, but she didn't give me one.

Person found out that the first signs of Chocolate Poisoning are Vomiting and Diarrhea, Increased Urination and Nausea. These can progress to Cardiac Arrhythmias and Seizures.

Oh.

Marmite is a Chocolate Labrador. Marmite has quite frequent Urination. She is Chocolate colour but she can't eat Chocolate. If Marmite ate Chocolate she might end up with even more Urination, Cardiac Arrhythmias and Seizures. I wouldn't like that because I love Marmite.

My Person helped at the Rescue Kennels again today. She helped Clean the Kennels out. There was a lot of Urination there.

Anyway, there is good news because Nemo who is Deaf has gone to live with new Persons. He was in his New Home in time for Christmas.

Long Dog

I'm a Lurcher so I'm a SIGHT Hound. I'm a very good HEARING Hound too. I have just found out that I'm also called a LONG DOG. I am very Looong when I Stretch. I'm also a SKINNY DOG.

Perhaps I'm Skinny because my Person is STARVING me. She picks up my Food Bowl when I walk away from it before I've eaten my Food. I walk away from my Bowl and see if I can get back to it just in time before Person picks it up and takes it away.

I know Person's Games! They all started when she went on that Course on Understanding Dogs.

Person now always Eats Food First herself before putting our Bowls down because she's pretending to be the Alpha Wolf and because Alpha Wolves always Eat Food First. They don't eat Biscuits, though. Alpha Wolves eat Raw Elk Flesh.

But she can't MAKE me Watch her Eating Food First, can she! She Ignores me so I will Ignore her too. Perhaps I might watch Person if she ate Raw Elk Flesh first and not just a Biscuit.

Afterwards I try to tell Person I'm so SKINNY I will STARVE if she doesn't give me my food back, but she doesn't LISTEN to me. And she's supposed to be a Dog Listener now.

Anyway, today Person put a little Milk on my Breakfast and I love Milk. Milk makes Marmite sick. If Person puts Milk on my Breakfast I might just pretend to Play her Games. If she gave me Raw Elk Flesh I would certainly Play her Games.

A Message from my Person

Person is still away but she has sent me a message.

Person says she has had Two Days learning how to be a Jan Fennell Dog Listener and she's having a Very Interesting Time and a Very Good Time.

A Very Good Time without Me?

Jan Fennell's son is called Tony Dog Listener. He has been Teaching my Person. This means no more playing Food Games for me or she will pick up my bowl straight away. No more fussing for Marmite when Person calls her and she just stays in bed looking lovely. No more Walks for Monty the Mont while he still Prances About at the door or Lunges.

Persons says she now Understands us even Better (oh dear) and we will be even MORE Happy than before. How can that be?

Person says she will now be Understanding Other People's Dogs too.

Person also tells me she has been doing Role Play. I hope she does some Role Play with me. I would like that. I like Playing and I like Rolls.

Breakfast

In the Night my Tummy was RUMBLING and I DREAMED about EATING ELK.

I didn't Mess About this morning.

While Person was doing her Pretend Gesture Eating I thought of the Wolf Pack. They may have been Starving but they still had to WAIT and WATCH while the Alpha Wolves Ate First.

So I ate ALL my breakfast (even though it was only Dry Dog Food and not Warm and Bloody ELK flesh).

Elk

Alpha Wolves always Eat FIRST while all the other Wolves WAIT.

Person is still pretending to be an Alpha Wolf. She Eats a Biscuit before she puts our Bowls down. It's called Gesture Eating.

Person doesn't look at us while she Eats her Biscuit. But we Look at her. We Watch as she takes each SLOW Bite from her Biscuit. She IGNORES us (or she Pretends to). Marmite DROOLS.

This afternoon I thought "I'm not going to play Person's Game this time" so I IGNORED her.

I Sniffed about while Person did Gesture Eating with her Biscuit. I IGNORED her. I Sniffed to see if she had dropped any Bits of Dry Dog Food under the table.

Anyway, Real Wolves don't eat Bits of Dry Dog Food. Certainly not a BISCUIT! Real Alpha Wolves HUNT and KILL animals like Elks and they Eat the Warm and Bloody Flesh. AFTER the Real Alpha Wolves are FULL UP and Fat with Warm and Bloody Elk flesh they let the other Wolves Eat.

At Tea time today when Person put my Bowl down I pretended I was still looking for dropped Dry Dog Food under the table.

Monty the Mont finished all his Tea. Marmite finished her Tea. I did NOT Eat any of my Tea.

So, Person picked up Monty the Mont's Empty Bowl, Marmite's Empty bowl and my FULL Bowl and she took them away. I would have Eaten Elk with Warm and Bloody Flesh.

Last time I played this Game Person gave me my Tea a bit later. By myself. She made a fuss of me. I liked that.

Not this time. She is going to make me WAIT until Breakfast tomorrow.

Morbidly Obese, and Hugely and Grossly Overweight

Today in the News there's a Chololate Labrador called Rusty. Rusty is in the News because he is MORBIDLY OBESE.

An RSPCA inspector found Rusty to be HUGELY and GROSSLY overweight so he was Taken Away from his Persons in a Van. That will have made poor Rusty very Sad. My Person feeds Marmite less than she feeds me because Marmite Loves Eating. Marmite could easily get HUGELY and GROSSLY Overwight. I couldn't easily get HUGELY and GROSSLY Overweight because I Eat more than Marmite and I'm always Skinny.

Poor Rusty couldn't Walk even a few steps before having to Sit and he Collapsed if he was Standing for more than a minute or two.

I'm not MORBIDLY OBESE. I'm SKINNY.

Person gives Marmite Less to Eat than she gives me. I wouldn't want Marmite to be Taken Away in a Van. Nor would Monty the Mont. And it would make Marmite very Sad.

Anyway, here is Marmite and I love Marmite just the way she is and Monty the Mont loves Marmite just the way she is. Persons love Marmite just the way she is too. Marmite isn't OBESE, she just has Short Legs.

No Breakfast

This morning I didn't have any Breakfast.

We watched Person do her 'Gesture Eating' - she had a cheesy smelling biscuit this morning, and then she put my Bowl down. But I Walked Away from it. I thought - I'm not going to play this Game today. Person then put down Monty the Mont's Bowl and he started Eating immediately. Then she put down Marmite's Bowl and she started Eating immediately too.

So Person just picked up my Bowl and took it away!

OH.

Hannawannah who is Person's Last-Born is here this weekend. She says she notices a Big Difference in me, and in Monty the Mont and in Marmite. I haven't seen Hannawannah for a long time and when she came in she IGNORED me! I nearly jumped up and Person put me straight OUTSIDE. Then Monty the Mont pranced and Person put him OUTSIDE too. Soon she let us in again and we kept our Feet on the Ground.

Some Persons came to Eat, Drink and Talk yesterday. Neighbours-From-Heaven Sue-Person and Artist came, and Brian-Person and Christine-Person as well. Brian and Christine have Toby and Bella and they go to Training Classes. Toby and Bella are Jack Russells and they haven't had their tails Cut Off. (I broke a wine glass with my Tail yesterday. It was on the Low Table). When Brian and Christine came in they tried to ignore us. We all tried to jump up so Person put us straight OUTSIDE.

We stayed OUTSIDE for a long time. We went in our Big Kennel. We were Very Good Dogs.

He-Person hasn't called me THAT BLOODY PIP for Five Days now! He did say FLAMING PIP though when I broke the wine glass which was on the Low Table yesterday.

Anyway, perhaps Person will give me Breakfast back soon.

Once I was so little I could get into the Bird Bath.

Ignoring us

WELL!

My Person was Away from Home doing Canine Communication for TWO WHOLE DAYS. She has never been Away from Home at Night Time before - not since she has had me. And when she came Back Home after all that time away she IGNORED ME. I thought she was finding out that Dogs were really Wolves. She smelt of Spaniels not Wolves.

Something STRANGE is happening.

We were EXCITED to see her, but when Monty the Mont jumped up at her she just turned her back on him and IGNORED HIM. It was because we were so Excited and she was IGNORING US that we started to Scrap with each other instead. We aren't allowed to Scrap in the House.

Person didn't shout OUT like she usually does. She quietly walked OUTSIDE and we quietly followed. Then she left us OUTSIDE.

STRANGE.

We soon jumped up at the door and cried to come in but she IGNORED US. She only let us in when we stopped making a fuss. She calls it Gaining Control of the Door. I knew I was right to feel suspicious about this Canine Communication stuff.

Person had only been Home for a little while when both Persons went to Neighbours-From-Heaven to Eat and Talk and Drink and they left us Alone.

I know Person is showing us WHO is really LEADER of the PACK and it's not me. Nor is it Monty the Mont. Nor is it Marmite.

So while I still had a chance I climbed up onto the chair and onto the piano to get the Toy Fluffy Dog. The Vase crashed to the floor.

When they came home Persons weren't Cross with me.

It was even worse. Persons IGNORED ME. She-Person cleared up the mess. She called Monty the Mont and Cuddled him. She called Marmite and she Cuddled her. She didn't call me. She IGNORED ME. She didn't Cuddle me.

STRANGE.

This morning Breakfast was DIFFERENT too. Person put our three bowls on the table. She also put a bowl for HERSELF on the table. Very STRANGE.

We watched her carefully. We watched everything she was doing. She measured Monty the Mont's food into his bowl. She measured Marmite's food into her bowl - a bit less because Marmite is too fat. She then measured my food into my bowl. She then ATE SOMETHING FROM HER OWN BOWL and she IGNORED US! (Hmm. I think Person is making some sort of point here).

We watched very carefully. When Person had finished her Eating she called Marmite and put Marmite's bowl down. She then called Monty the Mont and she put his bowl down. She then called Pip and she put my bowl down. Then she went away and left us.

For some reason I thought I had better not eat Slowly this time to tease Monty the Mont. I ate Quickly. As soon as we had finished Person took our bowls away.

Then Person called me to her and she gave me a Cuddle. It seemed a specially nice Cuddle to me. I felt SAFE.

Grapes

Marmite was OUTSIDE for a long time by Herself.

She had found the Grapes and she had eaten all the ones on the ground. She couldn't Reach the Grapes that hadn't dropped on the ground because her Legs are too Short.

Monty the Mont could Reach the Grapes because he is taller. He likes Grapes too.

I don't like Grapes. But I can reach HIGHER. I can pull off twigs with Grapes and drop them on the ground for Marmite and Monty the Mont.

He-Person says HE'S A TRICK, THAT PIPPIE.

(Perhaps when Person has done her Canine Communication Course she will UNDERSTAND that it's NATURAL for Dogs to pull bits off plants and trees. Like I did with the little Olive Tree yesterday).

At last Linsey-Trainer let us do STOPs at Person Training yesterday. I did STOP Perfectly. Marmite was OK but not as good as me. She doesn't wait for the COME because she knows there might be a Treat on the Bed where she has to STOP.

Monty the Mont didn't do STOP because he his still in the Bottom Class. He was a Very Very Good Dog last week doing everything off lead, but he was NOT a Very Good Dog yesterday. There were more other dogs in his Class and there was a new puppy. It made him Prance About and Not Concentrate.

Anyway, next week we are MOVING UP CLASSES. I shall go into the very TOP CLASS!

Monty the Mont and Marmite will go into the Middle Class together. But Monty keeps trying to go to talk to Marmite. When Marmite is in the same Class as me I IGNORE her. Marmite takes No Notice of Monty the Mont. Marmite takes No Notice of me. Marmite doesn't take much Notice of anything, really.

Will Minto come to the Top Class with me? Minto is a Very Good Dog at Training. Except when she's off lead when she comes to see me and she lies on her back. I love Minto. Person says she is Wanton.

This and That

I wonder whether David Blunkett might like to borrow Monty the Mont if Sadie wants a rest? Sadie walks a little IN FRONT to Lead David Blunkett to stop him bumping into things. Monty the Mont might Lead him into a Lamp Post or a Tree. Sometimes Monty the Mont PULLS. And he likes to have a SNIFF. If Monty the Mont meets another Dog he might Go On the Defensive. David Blunkett might not know what to do then.

Here is a picture of me Eating my Tea yesterday. Very Very SLOWLY. I always eat Very Very Slowly when Monty the Mont is watching me.

Persons have been Practising STOP at Home.

She-Person's PLAN-A didn't work. She called COME and when she shouted STOP He-Person Jumped Out and grabbed me and made me SIT. I didn't like that! I just didn't COME at all any more. Neither did Marmite or Monty the Mont.

This is She-Person's PLAN-B. She gives us lots of WAIT COME STOP SIT WAIT COME STOP COME STOP SIT by herself...and she is giving us TREATS. It is still Very CONFUSING but I don't mind because I get a TREAT. Marmite is the best at STOP. This is because she is always SLOW anyway. She likes STOP and SIT and especially she likes the TREAT.

When Monty the Mont has finished his Prancing About and Getting Excited he is then a Good Dog because he does WAIT COME STOP SIT nicely for the TREAT.

I hope I get Very Good at WAIT COME STOP SIT WAIT COME STOP SIT by Thursday so that Linsey-Trainer says I'm a Good and Clever Dog.

Person says I still have to learn to STOP SOONER. Person says I still have to learn to STOP without TREATS.

It is CONFUSING.

Neighbours-From-Heaven are Coming to Dinner

Neighbours-From-Heaven are Coming to Dinner this evening.

It's not Coming to Dinner really. It should be called Coming to TALK and DRINK. They have One Dinner, then Another Dinner, and then Another and then sometimes Another. They have to WAIT a long time for their Dinners so they TALK and DRINK a lot. When I get my Dinner I WOLF it down as QUICKLY as I can (unless Monty the Mont is standing over me and I then eat Very Slowly). I don't Talk.

When Other Persons Come to Dinner I am Shut OUTSIDE with Monty the Mont and Marmite. Only when all the Dinners are finished and Persons just TALK and DRINK but don't EAT any more are we allowed INSIDE.

This time is different because Sue has had her Hip Operation (just like Robin did who is Person's friend Mary's Labrador). So Person has a Plan. She is going to make a CAGE. The Cage isn't for Sue-Person though. It's for Me, Marmite and Monty the Mont. When she lets us INSIDE, Person will shout BED at us and then she will put up the Cage around us. Anyway, that is her PLAN. Person's Plan's don't always work. (Her Plan to make me and Marmite STOP at Training didn't work did it. She has a new Plan for that now).

It is Hannawannah's Birthday today. She is She-Person's Daughter and she's Twenty-Four years old. That's about Three-and-a Half in Dog Years so she a little bit older than Monty the Mont.

Here is Hannawannah with Marmite when she was a puppy, and with Monty the Mont. You can see it was before Monty had the Operation. I had that same Operation as well (and then I had my Wound), but when this picture was taken I wasn't even born.

Dogs' Dinner

We have two meals a day, one in the morning and one at tea time. Here is a picture of me finishing my tea today (you can just see my Wound).

I eat a lot of food but I'm still very thin. I actually eat more than Marmite! I'm skinny because my mum was half whippet (my Person sometimes calls me Pippit the Whippet when she is being nice to me).

Person always puts our three bowls down out on the veranda in three different places (Marmite's by the kennel, Monty the Mont's by the table and mine by the chairs). Then she makes us lie down and wait. Marmite drools. Then Person says "OK!" and I know which bowl is mine.

Marmite has Lite food because she is too fat, Monty has dog food with Big Meaty Chunks. I used to have the same food as Monty but I'm now trying Special food for Greyhounds without the Big Meaty Chunks. This is because Person thinks I eat too slowly so I need smaller bits.

But I can eat fast. I can eat faster than Marmite even. But if I eat very very slowly Monty the Mont and Marmite both stand right over me watching me eating every bit, waiting till I finish. It's very scrunchy food. So, I eat VERY VERY SLOWLY.

I never leave any bits.