Long Dog

I'm a Lurcher so I'm a SIGHT Hound. I'm a very good HEARING Hound too. I have just found out that I'm also called a LONG DOG. I am very Looong when I Stretch. I'm also a SKINNY DOG.

Perhaps I'm Skinny because my Person is STARVING me. She picks up my Food Bowl when I walk away from it before I've eaten my Food. I walk away from my Bowl and see if I can get back to it just in time before Person picks it up and takes it away.

I know Person's Games! They all started when she went on that Course on Understanding Dogs.

Person now always Eats Food First herself before putting our Bowls down because she's pretending to be the Alpha Wolf and because Alpha Wolves always Eat Food First. They don't eat Biscuits, though. Alpha Wolves eat Raw Elk Flesh.

But she can't MAKE me Watch her Eating Food First, can she! She Ignores me so I will Ignore her too. Perhaps I might watch Person if she ate Raw Elk Flesh first and not just a Biscuit.

Afterwards I try to tell Person I'm so SKINNY I will STARVE if she doesn't give me my food back, but she doesn't LISTEN to me. And she's supposed to be a Dog Listener now.

Anyway, today Person put a little Milk on my Breakfast and I love Milk. Milk makes Marmite sick. If Person puts Milk on my Breakfast I might just pretend to Play her Games. If she gave me Raw Elk Flesh I would certainly Play her Games.

Breakfast

In the Night my Tummy was RUMBLING and I DREAMED about EATING ELK.

I didn't Mess About this morning.

While Person was doing her Pretend Gesture Eating I thought of the Wolf Pack. They may have been Starving but they still had to WAIT and WATCH while the Alpha Wolves Ate First.

So I ate ALL my breakfast (even though it was only Dry Dog Food and not Warm and Bloody ELK flesh).

Elk

Alpha Wolves always Eat FIRST while all the other Wolves WAIT.

Person is still pretending to be an Alpha Wolf. She Eats a Biscuit before she puts our Bowls down. It's called Gesture Eating.

Person doesn't look at us while she Eats her Biscuit. But we Look at her. We Watch as she takes each SLOW Bite from her Biscuit. She IGNORES us (or she Pretends to). Marmite DROOLS.

This afternoon I thought "I'm not going to play Person's Game this time" so I IGNORED her.

I Sniffed about while Person did Gesture Eating with her Biscuit. I IGNORED her. I Sniffed to see if she had dropped any Bits of Dry Dog Food under the table.

Anyway, Real Wolves don't eat Bits of Dry Dog Food. Certainly not a BISCUIT! Real Alpha Wolves HUNT and KILL animals like Elks and they Eat the Warm and Bloody Flesh. AFTER the Real Alpha Wolves are FULL UP and Fat with Warm and Bloody Elk flesh they let the other Wolves Eat.

At Tea time today when Person put my Bowl down I pretended I was still looking for dropped Dry Dog Food under the table.

Monty the Mont finished all his Tea. Marmite finished her Tea. I did NOT Eat any of my Tea.

So, Person picked up Monty the Mont's Empty Bowl, Marmite's Empty bowl and my FULL Bowl and she took them away. I would have Eaten Elk with Warm and Bloody Flesh.

Last time I played this Game Person gave me my Tea a bit later. By myself. She made a fuss of me. I liked that.

Not this time. She is going to make me WAIT until Breakfast tomorrow.

My Nose

We had another Visitor yesterday. It was Brian-Person.

My Person is still doing her Dog Listening and pretending she is an Alpha Wolf. I heard her saying to Brian outside the door PLEASE IGNORE THE DOGS until they Settle Down.

But Brian Loves Dogs. He tried to IGNORE us, but when I pushed my nose into his hand he gave me a little private fuss. I didn't Jump Up once! Nor did Monty the Mont and nor did Marmite. Person didn't have to put us OUTSIDE.

Granny-Person was here as well. Even she said we were Very Good Dogs and Very Calm when a Visitor came and Granny-Person Doesn't really Like Dogs. Not even me. She doesn't like my wet cold Nose.

Anyway, my Person loves my wet cold Nose. Don't tell her, but I am GETTING THE MESSAGE. And don't tell her, but I really Quite Like my Persons being Alpha Wolves. So does Monty the Mont and so does Marmite.

Alpha Wolf makes the Decisions

In just one single evening alone Person got up and Opened and Shut the Door for us TWENTY-SEVEN TIMES. She counted. The only Door to OUTSIDE is in the Sitting Room where Persons Sit all the time.

Person is 'Gaining Control of the Door'. Person is Practising being and Alpha Wolf.

Since Person came back from doing Canine Communication and Wolves at Jan Fennell's farm things have been DIFFERENT. Things are also very QUIET. Jan Fennell has Eleven Spaniels and Two Utonagans. Utonagans look just like Wolves but they are not Wild. The dogs don't make a fuss of Persons. They are PEACEFUL Dogs.

In our House it used to happen like this. Marmite would carry on making her funny Grimbling noise from where she was lying until Person couldn't stand it any longer. Person would Open the door to let her OUT and then Close it again. (Person doesn't just leave the door open because it's too cold for her). Then I would need to see what Marmite was doing so I make my sad little noise until Person would get up, Open the door for me, then Close it again. A few minutes later Monty the Mont would think that he had better be OUT with Us so he squeeked to go OUT. Person would get up and Open then Close the door for Monty the Mont.

Then we would all want to come back IN.

Monty the Mont always wants to come back IN first. He needs to make sure that Persons haven't gone away anywhere without him. The I want to come IN a bit later, to keep an eye on Monty the Mont. Marmite likes being outside and Marmite doesn't care much where I am or where Monty the Mont is or even where Persons are, so Marmite comes IN last.

A little while ago Persons had to get a new Handle for the Door because the old one fell off.

This is why Person is Gaining Control of the Door. She says that the Alpha Wolf decides where the pack goes and when. The Alpha Wolf makes the DECISIONS. And Persons are the Alpha Wolves. I am not an Alpha Wolf. Nor is Monty the Mont and certainly not Marmite.

So, Person is now deciding when we go OUT. Person is now deciding when we come back IN again. If one of us goes OUT we all go OUT. If one of us comes IN we all come IN. We have to WAIT. This way Person Opens then Closes the door once instead of three times.

That is the idea anyway.

Unfortunately yesterday afternoon Marmite spoilt it all. Marmite was Not Very Well, just like I Wasn't Very Well last week. So yesterday Marmite asked to go out lots of times. Marmite always makes lots of grimbling noises for a long time until she is let OUT. Person tried IGNORING her.

That was not a good idea. Person hadn't realised that Marmite Wasn't Very Well.

This picture is when I was very little and Marmite and Monty the Mont were looking after me.

Ignoring us

WELL!

My Person was Away from Home doing Canine Communication for TWO WHOLE DAYS. She has never been Away from Home at Night Time before - not since she has had me. And when she came Back Home after all that time away she IGNORED ME. I thought she was finding out that Dogs were really Wolves. She smelt of Spaniels not Wolves.

Something STRANGE is happening.

We were EXCITED to see her, but when Monty the Mont jumped up at her she just turned her back on him and IGNORED HIM. It was because we were so Excited and she was IGNORING US that we started to Scrap with each other instead. We aren't allowed to Scrap in the House.

Person didn't shout OUT like she usually does. She quietly walked OUTSIDE and we quietly followed. Then she left us OUTSIDE.

STRANGE.

We soon jumped up at the door and cried to come in but she IGNORED US. She only let us in when we stopped making a fuss. She calls it Gaining Control of the Door. I knew I was right to feel suspicious about this Canine Communication stuff.

Person had only been Home for a little while when both Persons went to Neighbours-From-Heaven to Eat and Talk and Drink and they left us Alone.

I know Person is showing us WHO is really LEADER of the PACK and it's not me. Nor is it Monty the Mont. Nor is it Marmite.

So while I still had a chance I climbed up onto the chair and onto the piano to get the Toy Fluffy Dog. The Vase crashed to the floor.

When they came home Persons weren't Cross with me.

It was even worse. Persons IGNORED ME. She-Person cleared up the mess. She called Monty the Mont and Cuddled him. She called Marmite and she Cuddled her. She didn't call me. She IGNORED ME. She didn't Cuddle me.

STRANGE.

This morning Breakfast was DIFFERENT too. Person put our three bowls on the table. She also put a bowl for HERSELF on the table. Very STRANGE.

We watched her carefully. We watched everything she was doing. She measured Monty the Mont's food into his bowl. She measured Marmite's food into her bowl - a bit less because Marmite is too fat. She then measured my food into my bowl. She then ATE SOMETHING FROM HER OWN BOWL and she IGNORED US! (Hmm. I think Person is making some sort of point here).

We watched very carefully. When Person had finished her Eating she called Marmite and put Marmite's bowl down. She then called Monty the Mont and she put his bowl down. She then called Pip and she put my bowl down. Then she went away and left us.

For some reason I thought I had better not eat Slowly this time to tease Monty the Mont. I ate Quickly. As soon as we had finished Person took our bowls away.

Then Person called me to her and she gave me a Cuddle. It seemed a specially nice Cuddle to me. I felt SAFE.

Understanding Dogs

Here I am at the end of another Hard Day.

I fear I shan't be allowed On the Sofa for much longer. This is because of Person's Canine Communication Course next weekend and Jan Fennell will teach her to UNDERSTAND DOGS.

I know she will learn that Dogs are really WOLVES and that Dogs are not Persons. Persons go on Sofas. Wolves stay on the Floor or in their Beds.

Canine Communication says we are Happier Dogs if we Know Our PLACE.

But I AM a Happy Dog. I'm a VERY Happy Dog - especially when I am Sleeping on Person on the Sofa. I know my PLACE is on the Sofa. Monty the Mont is a Happy Dog too (when he's not On the Defensive). Marmite is a Very Happy Dog.

I'm especially Happy when I am lying on Person on the Sofa. I'm not quite so Happy about Person UNDERSTANDING DOGS though.